Amazing Grace.

Over the last few years, I have learned that transparency in the life of a Christian is imperative for actual growth and community. With that being said, I am going to be transparent with those of you reading this for a moment: I struggle with forgiveness. This affects my life in two major, ugly ways. First, I have a hard time forgiving people who have wronged me, and consequently, it is difficult for me to understand the magnitude of God’s forgiveness through Christ’s sacrifice. During certain times of my life, I find myself doubting if God could REALLY forgive a sinner like me. Quite frankly, I have to consciously fight to not hold grudges against a person after just one wrong offense towards me or a loved one. I know I have and endless amount of offenses against God. Thankfully, when I experience times like these and need to take nothing but truth in, God faithfully leads my heart to remember the Gospel.

Have you ever experienced those sweet moments where Scripture comes to life and manifests deep down in your soul? Of course, we have the Holy Spirit to reveal the Word to us every time we dig into it, but somehow truths from stories you may have read 500 times and think you fully understand, jump off the page, take residence in your heart, and begin to saturate your life upon reading them for the 501^st time. I have written about one of those dear moments before, and I experienced that again a couple of weeks ago when I reread a passage of the Bible that was mentioned in Mingling of Souls (Side note: I totally encourage you to read that book!) 

The Book of John, chapter 8, verses 2-6a say:

Early in the morning he came again to the temple. All the people came to him, and he sat down and taught them. The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst they said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” This they said to test him that they might have some charge to bring against him.

Imagine with me, for a moment, that you are that woman. You are the one being dragged to the temple and put down in front of a crowd of "righteous" accusers, in front of the holy and truly righteous Lord. But you do not recognize that is who He is…yet.

They shout to this man you have heard about, the one who has done no wrong. He is the one who is healing the lame, giving sight to the blind, freeing people from demons, feeding five thousand, calling out the sins of the self-righteous, and the one that people are whispering about potentially being the Son of God, the Messiah. People follow this man across the countryside to hear Him speak.

Now, you find yourself in the temple amidst the experts of the Law. These people are telling Him of your sin, your disgrace. They are reminding Him of what the law says you deserve: death. You deserve death by being stoned for your sin. 

Scripture goes on to say in verses 6b-8:

Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground.

You are all alone in the middle of this crowd. You are afraid, vulnerable, ashamed, but worst of all, you are guilty. You are guilty of what these people have accused you of. And that is just the one sin they caught you in and know about. You are hoping they do not know anymore. 

Scripture does not go into detail on what the woman did in the next few moments. However, I know if I were this woman, I would ball up on the ground and brace myself for the stones that were to come. I am guilty, and I know there is no way out. On top of that, most of the gathered people act as if they are sinless, and the woman had to be almost certain that Jesus was. She had no chance of escape. 

But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman before him. (verse 9)

I am sure she heard the large rocks drop to the ground through her cries as each person started to walk away, and I cannot help but wonder if she thought they just had terrible aim. She knew death is what she deserved. 

Nobody knows how long she was there. Jesus had been scribbling in the dirt and I, for one, would love to know what He was scribbling. Was He channeling his inner early childhood educator and taking a break to play? (Highly doubt that one, but doing what I do, I did think about it). Was He documenting all of her transgressions? Was He jotting out what He was soon to do for her and all the rest of humanity's sin? Was He writing her new names in Him once he overcomes death? Redeemed. Forgiven. Adopted. Beloved. Beautiful.

Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” (verses 10-11)

After all the accusers had disappeared, Jesus walks over to the woman and asks if any have accused her. I would guess her eyes were still full of tears and she was a little disoriented. Minutes before, she was planning to experience her own death. I bet her head spun around, and she jumped up in disbelief to find He was the only one left. Then, she responds and addresses him as “Lord.” Her eyes were opened and she saw who He was. The ONLY person who could rightfully accuse and judge her says He will not condemn her. The ONLY person who could offer real grace and forgiveness shares it with her.

Can you imagine her walk home?

Everybody in town probably felt as if they were seeing a dead person walking. According to the law, this woman should have been killed.

Can you imagine the change in her heart and life over the following days? She had experienced grace beyond belief.

Can you imagine hearing her talk of this man named Jesus--the one who showed such mercy, grace, forgiveness, love, gentleness, and compassion?  

She was completely undeserving of His response. It had to be impossible for her to not share with everyone.

Can you see her following after Jesus to the ends of the earth, wherever He was leading? 

Jesus had become her Lord.

Scripture does not reveal how this woman responded or what became of her after this encounter with Jesus. I do know she had been changed forever because of Him. How do I know that? Because when I saw my own sin, shame, and disgrace and recognized my desperate need of salvation, Jesus was standing there, offering forgiveness and amazing grace to save me. I am the wretch the song speaks of.

Since I often become one of the self-righteous accusers with a rock in my hand (and more times than not, the last one to walk away), I find myself wallowing in my own shame, listening to the lies of the Deceiver who is saying there is no way Jesus could forgive someone like me. This is the reason why this passage has made such an impression on my soul the last couple of weeks. I literally have thought about it nonstop. What amazing grace!!! In the words of Paul Tripp, "There is no life so deeply and tragically sinful that it's beyond the reach of God's amazing, rescuing grace."

The woman in John 8 is me. Whether you know it or not, that woman is you, also. The most important questions now are: do we trust the Righteous Lord fully for our salvation and forgiveness or do we think we can clean ourselves up? Do we believe Jesus is who He says He is and that He desires to give His amazing grace or do we believe there is no possible way He could forgive us for that sin?

I believe Jesus! I am taking His helping, gentle, healing hand, getting up, chasing wholeheartedly after Him, and forever singing of, speaking of, and striving to share His amazing grace! 

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. 
I once was lost but now am found, was blind, but now I see.

'Twas Grace that taught my heart to fear, and Grace my fears relieved; 
How precious did that Grace appear the hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come. 
'Tis Grace hath brought me safe thus far, and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me. His word my hope secures; 
He will my shield and portion be, as long as life endures.

When we've been there ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun. 
We've no less days to sing God's praise, than when we first begun."

Wild About You!

Ryan and I have been going nonstop as of late. As much as I have loved the holidays and all that comes with the break, I was close to being exhausted of the continual traveling and lack of normalcy. I missed having my husband to myself. I missed my bed. I missed my dog being able to be free all the time. I missed my routine. I missed my Kinders.

Towards the end of last week, Ryan came down with one of the many somethings going around. All weekend, I took care of him (trying to not get it at the same time). I needed to prepare things for Monday. Even though, I had tried my best to leave my classroom ready for me to walk in the door and be back into our routine we have worked hard to master since August. Every time I sat down to get my last minute things together, as I would on typical Sunday evenings, Ryan would need me (Which I am not complaining about. I love my husband. I hate when he is sick. I try my best to shorten the sickness by helping and serving him). In the midst of the ups and downs, I forgot to make a mental note of books to read to my littles on Monday morning.

I read to my kids often. Personally, I believe it is the single best thing I can do for them, aside from telling and showing them I love them. I read to my students several times a day, and I try to be intentional with the books I read aloud. I try to pick books on topics that my students have shown interest in, books that are apart of our theme, or character building books to have mini lessons with. Sure, sometimes I let my kids pick or I reach back in the drawer and grab whatever catches my eye, but usually, I am intentional. Not today. Nope. That part of my day had completely slipped my mind during the chaos.

There we all are, about to begin Daily 5, on the first day back from a two-week Christmas break, trying to remain in routine as best as possible, and Mrs. Russ forgets to pick a book to read. Way to go, Russ, way to go. I try to not panic and begin to slowly search the rug for the books my students have found to read for the day.

Aha! Wild About You! is sitting in a little’s lap with zebras, giraffes, and monkeys present in the illustrations. "That book goes with our classroom theme," I thought, "making it not completely random." I did what anybody would do in the same situation, I asked the child if I could read it to the class. He gave me the okay, and I took a big sigh of a relief. Those few seconds were too close to ruining my otherwise normally flowing morning. (Side note to my teacher friends that are still reading this: 99.9% of the time I follow the teacher law that demands reading books BEFORE reading them aloud to the class. I know I broke the law this time. I know, and I am sorry. I hope it does not happen again, but it honestly might. I am a first year teacher. It still is all a little hectic).

I open the book and begin reading… Instantly, I am reading about a zoo, a zoo full of babies; every animal has a baby, except for the pandas and the tree kangaroos (whatever those are). The pandas and tree kangaroos are upset because they have not been blessed with a baby. That is, until the zoo gets in an egg that nobody wants. Every bird in the zoo rejects the egg. The tree kangaroos step up. They adopt the egg, watch it hatch into a penguin, and love her completely. They need help, though; they do not have the slightest clue about raising a penguin. The rest of their animal friends jump in to lend a hand.

Later on in our children’s book, the pandas adopt a few kittens. They, too, end up confused and troubled on how to adequately raise a baby that is not at all like them. Again, the zoo friends step up and help them out. After all, it takes a whole zoo to help raise a baby (Or is that how that saying goes?).

Adoption. I, unknowingly, picked a book about adoption, something extremely near and dear to my heart. (Another side note: Usually, I turn into a crybaby reading about adoption. I was in full Mrs. Russ mode. Mrs. Russ cannot cry because then all my Kinders would cry, and we would get nothing accomplished. I chose to hold it together). 

On the way home, I let what seemed to be such a minuscule moment turn into the monumental occurrence that it absolutely happened to be. I have been convicted lately of keeping times like these minuscule, chalking it up to coincidence (like it could just randomly happen or something), not giving praise to the One who is majestically monumental. God sovereignly orchestrates these occurrences for me to slow down, remember why I am even where I happen to be, and praise Him. In these sweet, kind, "small" moments, God reminds me of these enormous, awe-inspiring truths: He is in control. He is sovereign. He sees me. He knows me. He cares for me. He loves me. He is "wild about me." 

I did not really take on a New Year’s resolution, because His mercies are new every single morning, not just on January 1st of each year. Although, after this morning, I resolve to allow the minuscule to become monumental each day, to see His hand in the mundane and the craziness, and to give Him the praise He rightfully deserves even when the instance may seem insignificant. I challenge you to do the same. 

P.S. If you would like to add the book I referenced to your children’s library (parents, teachers, or people of any sort), you can find it here.