Outside Lane.

With the lifestyle I have had since meeting Ryan, it is hard for him to believe I really was (kind of) an athlete in high school. Being back home, a few people have mentioned moments from my (not-so) glory days and he just stares at me in complete disbelief. The same cliché comment rolls off his tongue in such a sweet tone: “Madison used to run? I haven’t even seen her run to the fridge!” 

Either way, one day I will be running my child around a track like my dad did with me, and I will be telling them all about how their mom was a (self-proclaimed) track star. (People always get more confident the further in the past it becomes, right?)

My race was the 200 meter dash, the “candy cane”, “half a lap”, whatever you want to call it. I did not have the legs to run the 400 or the 800, even though many coaches thought they could turn me into a middle distance runner. I was not a decent sprinter either. I would get completely throttled in the 100. I could run the 200, and that is how it became my race.

In long distance races, most athletes want in the very inside lane to cut down on the distance they will have to run. In sprints, athletes tend to want to race in the middle lanes to be able to see their competitors in their peripheral view. I never was much for the normal way of doing things. 

Sitting back on the heating benches before my race, I would hope and pray for the most outside lane. If I got lane 1, I would secretly wish to pull something coming out of the starting blocks because I knew I could not win. I would become distracted with my competitors, the crowd, or the field events inside the track. The closer I got to the last lane, the happier and more confident I became. If my dream did come true and I was placed in the last lane, I am sure I walked with my nose in the air, knowing I had won my heat already. Why? It was all about the focus.

The way I looked at it, the further out I was, the easier I could see the finish line. If I was in my beloved last lane, once the gun went off, there was nothing (and would not be on great days) anything in my peripheral view. My focus was set on the finish line. I would run without any distractions toward my goal.

While studying Matthew 14 this last weekend, I was graciously reminded to not shake my prideful head at Peter in the story in verses 22 through 33.

Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”

And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” (Matthew 14:22-33)


Ol’ Peter. His impulsiveness was his weakness and also his strength. Peter sees Jesus. He gets out of the boat. His focus is Jesus. He is walking on the water towards Jesus. Suddenly, Scripture says Peter saw the wind. Wait a minute! Only a few verses before it says that the boat was beaten by the waves because of the wind. Had Peter forgetten about the wind? No, of course not. His focus had changed. He became afraid and began to sink.

I am similar to Peter, especially here in this story. So often I do the exact thing. I see Jesus at work in a place. He stirs a passion in my heart. He calls me out of the boat to join Him. I jump out. I start running toward the finish line, towards Him. My focus is set on Jesus. All is well. Until, just as when I found myself racing in an inside lane of the track, I take my eyes off my focus point. I start to see things in my peripheral view. I take my eyes off of Jesus and look around at all the circumstances, dwell on the what-ifs, or entertain the thought that I could do better on my own. I quickly begin to sink. I become afraid.

Peter cries out, “Lord, save me!” And Jesus immediately catches him. Grace. Jesus asks Peter why he doubted. For Peter had a front row seat witnessing the power and authority Jesus holds. Moments later, they would get back in the boat together and the winds would cease. The disciples would worship and praise Jesus as the Son of God.

Why do I doubt? I have seen Jesus’s work in my life and others’ lives around me. He has used me in ways I never imagined and could never have dreamed on my own. Oh, me of little faith! However, when I cry out, Jesus reaches out His hand; He takes a hold of mine. He shows me His amazing grace. He reminds me what He has accomplished, what He is doing, and what He is going to do.

No matter what lane I find myself in, no matter the waves around me, my prayer is that the next time Jesus says, “Come,” when He calls me to a certain place, a certain person, or a certain project, I will jump out of the boat and place my sole focus and eyes upon Him. I will trust in who He is, remember what He has done, and look forward to what He will do. Knowing, no matter what, His grace is within my reach. I pray to run wholeheartedly towards Him, never giving the distractions a glance. After all, trusting in Jesus is infinitely better than the outside lane.

Amazing Grace.

Over the last few years, I have learned that transparency in the life of a Christian is imperative for actual growth and community. With that being said, I am going to be transparent with those of you reading this for a moment: I struggle with forgiveness. This affects my life in two major, ugly ways. First, I have a hard time forgiving people who have wronged me, and consequently, it is difficult for me to understand the magnitude of God’s forgiveness through Christ’s sacrifice. During certain times of my life, I find myself doubting if God could REALLY forgive a sinner like me. Quite frankly, I have to consciously fight to not hold grudges against a person after just one wrong offense towards me or a loved one. I know I have and endless amount of offenses against God. Thankfully, when I experience times like these and need to take nothing but truth in, God faithfully leads my heart to remember the Gospel.

Have you ever experienced those sweet moments where Scripture comes to life and manifests deep down in your soul? Of course, we have the Holy Spirit to reveal the Word to us every time we dig into it, but somehow truths from stories you may have read 500 times and think you fully understand, jump off the page, take residence in your heart, and begin to saturate your life upon reading them for the 501^st time. I have written about one of those dear moments before, and I experienced that again a couple of weeks ago when I reread a passage of the Bible that was mentioned in Mingling of Souls (Side note: I totally encourage you to read that book!) 

The Book of John, chapter 8, verses 2-6a say:

Early in the morning he came again to the temple. All the people came to him, and he sat down and taught them. The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst they said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” This they said to test him that they might have some charge to bring against him.

Imagine with me, for a moment, that you are that woman. You are the one being dragged to the temple and put down in front of a crowd of "righteous" accusers, in front of the holy and truly righteous Lord. But you do not recognize that is who He is…yet.

They shout to this man you have heard about, the one who has done no wrong. He is the one who is healing the lame, giving sight to the blind, freeing people from demons, feeding five thousand, calling out the sins of the self-righteous, and the one that people are whispering about potentially being the Son of God, the Messiah. People follow this man across the countryside to hear Him speak.

Now, you find yourself in the temple amidst the experts of the Law. These people are telling Him of your sin, your disgrace. They are reminding Him of what the law says you deserve: death. You deserve death by being stoned for your sin. 

Scripture goes on to say in verses 6b-8:

Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground.

You are all alone in the middle of this crowd. You are afraid, vulnerable, ashamed, but worst of all, you are guilty. You are guilty of what these people have accused you of. And that is just the one sin they caught you in and know about. You are hoping they do not know anymore. 

Scripture does not go into detail on what the woman did in the next few moments. However, I know if I were this woman, I would ball up on the ground and brace myself for the stones that were to come. I am guilty, and I know there is no way out. On top of that, most of the gathered people act as if they are sinless, and the woman had to be almost certain that Jesus was. She had no chance of escape. 

But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman before him. (verse 9)

I am sure she heard the large rocks drop to the ground through her cries as each person started to walk away, and I cannot help but wonder if she thought they just had terrible aim. She knew death is what she deserved. 

Nobody knows how long she was there. Jesus had been scribbling in the dirt and I, for one, would love to know what He was scribbling. Was He channeling his inner early childhood educator and taking a break to play? (Highly doubt that one, but doing what I do, I did think about it). Was He documenting all of her transgressions? Was He jotting out what He was soon to do for her and all the rest of humanity's sin? Was He writing her new names in Him once he overcomes death? Redeemed. Forgiven. Adopted. Beloved. Beautiful.

Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” (verses 10-11)

After all the accusers had disappeared, Jesus walks over to the woman and asks if any have accused her. I would guess her eyes were still full of tears and she was a little disoriented. Minutes before, she was planning to experience her own death. I bet her head spun around, and she jumped up in disbelief to find He was the only one left. Then, she responds and addresses him as “Lord.” Her eyes were opened and she saw who He was. The ONLY person who could rightfully accuse and judge her says He will not condemn her. The ONLY person who could offer real grace and forgiveness shares it with her.

Can you imagine her walk home?

Everybody in town probably felt as if they were seeing a dead person walking. According to the law, this woman should have been killed.

Can you imagine the change in her heart and life over the following days? She had experienced grace beyond belief.

Can you imagine hearing her talk of this man named Jesus--the one who showed such mercy, grace, forgiveness, love, gentleness, and compassion?  

She was completely undeserving of His response. It had to be impossible for her to not share with everyone.

Can you see her following after Jesus to the ends of the earth, wherever He was leading? 

Jesus had become her Lord.

Scripture does not reveal how this woman responded or what became of her after this encounter with Jesus. I do know she had been changed forever because of Him. How do I know that? Because when I saw my own sin, shame, and disgrace and recognized my desperate need of salvation, Jesus was standing there, offering forgiveness and amazing grace to save me. I am the wretch the song speaks of.

Since I often become one of the self-righteous accusers with a rock in my hand (and more times than not, the last one to walk away), I find myself wallowing in my own shame, listening to the lies of the Deceiver who is saying there is no way Jesus could forgive someone like me. This is the reason why this passage has made such an impression on my soul the last couple of weeks. I literally have thought about it nonstop. What amazing grace!!! In the words of Paul Tripp, "There is no life so deeply and tragically sinful that it's beyond the reach of God's amazing, rescuing grace."

The woman in John 8 is me. Whether you know it or not, that woman is you, also. The most important questions now are: do we trust the Righteous Lord fully for our salvation and forgiveness or do we think we can clean ourselves up? Do we believe Jesus is who He says He is and that He desires to give His amazing grace or do we believe there is no possible way He could forgive us for that sin?

I believe Jesus! I am taking His helping, gentle, healing hand, getting up, chasing wholeheartedly after Him, and forever singing of, speaking of, and striving to share His amazing grace! 

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. 
I once was lost but now am found, was blind, but now I see.

'Twas Grace that taught my heart to fear, and Grace my fears relieved; 
How precious did that Grace appear the hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come. 
'Tis Grace hath brought me safe thus far, and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me. His word my hope secures; 
He will my shield and portion be, as long as life endures.

When we've been there ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun. 
We've no less days to sing God's praise, than when we first begun."