Relentless Pursuit.

Knock, knock, knock.

I looked around the room at all of the invited guests in my apartment playing a board game that evening.

“Who could that possibly be? It must be a neighbor,” I said as I got up to answer my door.

Opened door.

Shock. Anger. Frustration. Confusion.

Why does he keep doing this? Doesn’t he get it?

“What part of GET out and STAY out of my life do you not understand?” I yelled quite forcefully and slammed the door shut. I fought back hot tears and sat back down in the floor. All eyes were set on me.

“WHOSE TURN IS IT?!”

Two weeks later I was on his porch, holding an unwanted Christmas present to return. It was unwanted because of the sender. I wanted to keep my absolutely adorable houndstooth pair of rain boots. But I could not. He HAD to learn. Surely he would become tired of my persistent rejections.

Door opened. No words. Just shoved rain boots in his arms and left.

Letters, donuts, Sonic, and flowers that greeted me at the door for weeks on end would be tossed immediately in the trash can. (Except the donuts and Sonic. This college girl had to eat).

My dad called and asked, “Why are you being so hard on him, Madison?”

I thought for several minutes: Why am I doing this to him? His pursuit is unlike anything I had ever seen. 

“Dad, he’s ruining my plans, my future, my life as I know and love it.”

“I like him. He brings you donuts. You need to eat a little more. You’re looking rough.” 
(Gee, thanks, Dad!)

“If I say yes to something just one time, Dad, I’ll never be able to tell him no again.”

Roughly ten months after that conversation, I found myself staring at the most beautiful ring from the most amazing guy, who was wrapping up the relentless pursuit by asking me to change all my plans, my future, and my life for him. Instead of saying no for the 5,743^rd time, I smiled with tears running down my face and screamed, “YES!”

Now that you know that happened you might think a lot less of me. And you should think a whole lot more of Ryan. We have been married for nearly 3 years now and I still apologize at least once a week for my cruelty towards him during that time all because I was not yielding to the pursuit. Ryan could have given up and stopped at any point, but he chose not to.

Ryan's pursuit of me then (and now) reflects the Lord's pursuit of my heart and soul for my whole life. The Lord graciously, faithfully, and lovingly pursues me day in and day out, regardless of me.

I grew up in church with godly parents at home teaching me about Jesus. I remember exactly where I was when I realized I was a sinner, repented, and trusted in Christ for my salvation. God’s pursuit up to that point was glorious. All the blessings He gave me through my family, Sunday school teachers, and the drama he used on a specific Sunday evening to put it all together shows His sovereignty. God’s first pursuit stirred my heart to see the need of a Savior. 

But the gospel did not stop there in my life. It does not just stop at the time of repentance. The Holy Spirit came in that moment to dwell in a 6 year old’s soul for the rest of eternity. And the journey began.

Elementary. Junior high. High School. College. Work. Friends. Family. Change. Growth. Life. It happens. Life happens.

Ugly. Dark. Worldly. Temptations. Rebellion. Hypocrisy. Pride. Sin. It creeps in. 

But God.

Just like He orchestrated the moments perfectly for me to become apart of the Redeemed, He continues throughout the journey. He watches. He listens. He sees. He knows. He reaches in. He woos. He pursues. He loves. He does not stop. He does not give up. He never lets go. He never tires.

So often I get in the way. Just like I did with Ryan. 

No, no. That is not my plan. That is not what I had pictured. That is not what I had in mind. That is not the way it should go. 

Yet, God continues to pursue my heart. Sometimes He whispers. Sometimes He shouts. Sometimes He uses His Word. Sometimes He uses my shortcomings. Sometimes He uses children's books. Sometimes He uses sunrises. Sometimes He uses flowers. Sometimes He uses experiences. Sometimes He uses memories. Sometimes He uses people. He always uses something to captivate my attention with Himself.

God is relentless in His pursuit of my soul. He is relentless in showing His glory. He is relentless in reminding me who I am in Him, where I should be, and what I am to do. Even when I say no again and again, when I do not understand, when I do not want to listen, when I run in the opposite direction, when I am afraid to say yes, He does not leave me there. In spite of myself, He continues. Praise the Lord!

His graciousness is exceeding. His love is unconditional. His faithfulness is unfathomable. His pursuit is relentlessly beautiful. 

"There is none like you among the gods, O Lord, nor are there any works like yours. All the nations you have made shall come and worship before you, O Lord, and shall glorify your name. For you are great and do wondrous things; you alone are God. Teach me your way, O LORD, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name. I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify your name forever. For great is your steadfast love toward me; you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol. 

You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness."

(Psalm 86:8-13,15)