Relentless Pursuit.

Knock, knock, knock.

I looked around the room at all of the invited guests in my apartment playing a board game that evening.

“Who could that possibly be? It must be a neighbor,” I said as I got up to answer my door.

Opened door.

Shock. Anger. Frustration. Confusion.

Why does he keep doing this? Doesn’t he get it?

“What part of GET out and STAY out of my life do you not understand?” I yelled quite forcefully and slammed the door shut. I fought back hot tears and sat back down in the floor. All eyes were set on me.

“WHOSE TURN IS IT?!”

Two weeks later I was on his porch, holding an unwanted Christmas present to return. It was unwanted because of the sender. I wanted to keep my absolutely adorable houndstooth pair of rain boots. But I could not. He HAD to learn. Surely he would become tired of my persistent rejections.

Door opened. No words. Just shoved rain boots in his arms and left.

Letters, donuts, Sonic, and flowers that greeted me at the door for weeks on end would be tossed immediately in the trash can. (Except the donuts and Sonic. This college girl had to eat).

My dad called and asked, “Why are you being so hard on him, Madison?”

I thought for several minutes: Why am I doing this to him? His pursuit is unlike anything I had ever seen. 

“Dad, he’s ruining my plans, my future, my life as I know and love it.”

“I like him. He brings you donuts. You need to eat a little more. You’re looking rough.” 
(Gee, thanks, Dad!)

“If I say yes to something just one time, Dad, I’ll never be able to tell him no again.”

Roughly ten months after that conversation, I found myself staring at the most beautiful ring from the most amazing guy, who was wrapping up the relentless pursuit by asking me to change all my plans, my future, and my life for him. Instead of saying no for the 5,743^rd time, I smiled with tears running down my face and screamed, “YES!”

Now that you know that happened you might think a lot less of me. And you should think a whole lot more of Ryan. We have been married for nearly 3 years now and I still apologize at least once a week for my cruelty towards him during that time all because I was not yielding to the pursuit. Ryan could have given up and stopped at any point, but he chose not to.

Ryan's pursuit of me then (and now) reflects the Lord's pursuit of my heart and soul for my whole life. The Lord graciously, faithfully, and lovingly pursues me day in and day out, regardless of me.

I grew up in church with godly parents at home teaching me about Jesus. I remember exactly where I was when I realized I was a sinner, repented, and trusted in Christ for my salvation. God’s pursuit up to that point was glorious. All the blessings He gave me through my family, Sunday school teachers, and the drama he used on a specific Sunday evening to put it all together shows His sovereignty. God’s first pursuit stirred my heart to see the need of a Savior. 

But the gospel did not stop there in my life. It does not just stop at the time of repentance. The Holy Spirit came in that moment to dwell in a 6 year old’s soul for the rest of eternity. And the journey began.

Elementary. Junior high. High School. College. Work. Friends. Family. Change. Growth. Life. It happens. Life happens.

Ugly. Dark. Worldly. Temptations. Rebellion. Hypocrisy. Pride. Sin. It creeps in. 

But God.

Just like He orchestrated the moments perfectly for me to become apart of the Redeemed, He continues throughout the journey. He watches. He listens. He sees. He knows. He reaches in. He woos. He pursues. He loves. He does not stop. He does not give up. He never lets go. He never tires.

So often I get in the way. Just like I did with Ryan. 

No, no. That is not my plan. That is not what I had pictured. That is not what I had in mind. That is not the way it should go. 

Yet, God continues to pursue my heart. Sometimes He whispers. Sometimes He shouts. Sometimes He uses His Word. Sometimes He uses my shortcomings. Sometimes He uses children's books. Sometimes He uses sunrises. Sometimes He uses flowers. Sometimes He uses experiences. Sometimes He uses memories. Sometimes He uses people. He always uses something to captivate my attention with Himself.

God is relentless in His pursuit of my soul. He is relentless in showing His glory. He is relentless in reminding me who I am in Him, where I should be, and what I am to do. Even when I say no again and again, when I do not understand, when I do not want to listen, when I run in the opposite direction, when I am afraid to say yes, He does not leave me there. In spite of myself, He continues. Praise the Lord!

His graciousness is exceeding. His love is unconditional. His faithfulness is unfathomable. His pursuit is relentlessly beautiful. 

"There is none like you among the gods, O Lord, nor are there any works like yours. All the nations you have made shall come and worship before you, O Lord, and shall glorify your name. For you are great and do wondrous things; you alone are God. Teach me your way, O LORD, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name. I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify your name forever. For great is your steadfast love toward me; you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol. 

You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness."

(Psalm 86:8-13,15)

The Golden Year.

In light of today being my last day as a 22 year old (and the fact that we throwback on Thursdays), I decided to share a post from my last day as a 20 year old, the reflections on my "Golden Year." 

I absolutely love the idea of a “Golden Year.” I can’t remember who even introduced me to the idea of it, but whoever you are, thank you so much! For those of you who don't know, a "Golden Year" is the year that you turn the age of the date your birthday is on. Mine just happened to be 20 on the 20th! I don’t think the year could’ve happened at a greater time. I got to say goodbye to the dreaded teenage years and experience what was most definitely the best year of my entire life up to this point. Praise the Lord! So, I thought I should cover the major points of this fantastic year by the month!

February.

The day before, I planned for the goodbye of my life as a 19 year-old and thanked the Lord for showing me His loving faithfulness through the last teenage year. I celebrated with my wonderful parents, Grandma, Grandpa, and my three best friends (Mack, Taylor, Murray) on the farm.

The first day of this Golden Year, started off with a lunch with sweet Jonna Myers, Murray, and Taylor. The Cup’s sandwiches were a tasty birthday meal, which turned into one of Taylor’s and my “usuals” and was followed by a killer birthday nap. Hey, it’s hard turning 20!

March.

Ryan’s birthday was the highlight of March. Before March, I was hardly accepting or encouraging of his never-ending pursuit of me. (Boy, how things change!) However, with a little encouragement from my Nabors girls, I bought him a Fossil watch for his birthday AND took him to Cheddar’s. He fell in love…with Cheddar’s, of course! He’d fallen for me wayyy before then. 

April.

April probably wins the “scariest” month award for the year. Mack’s senior prom was in the middle of the month and being her number one fan, I HAD to be there for her very last promenade. Well, Oklahoma’s weather thought it would stop me. Ryan and I literally hopped tornadoes to get to Maysville. I missed her walking by two minutes. BUT I still got to take a fantastic picture with my favorite flamingo. She grew up entirely too fast!

Then, at the very end of the month, on Mack’s 18th birthday, I had the biggest scare of my life. I picked Ryan up on Sunday morning from the Memorial Run in the City. On the way to church, it started to rain. Obviously, we aren’t real used to that this year, and at that time, we hadn’t seen it in quite a while. I’m convinced the roads were wayyyy slicker than normal. When I exited off the interstate, I had two sharp curves. I made the first one, fish-tailed the second, when my tire blew out. Then, at 40 mph, we hit an embankment head-on. You know when people say their “life flashed before their eyes”, yeah, mine didn’t…but it was that type of moment, for sure.

Anyways, I ended up in the emergency room with a neck brace; Ryan handled it way better than me. Thankfully, nothing was really wrong. We just ached for days and couldn’t talk or walk well.  Taylor Boyd became my nurse for the week.

By God’s sweet grace, we were fine, but my car, Pretty, was not. She was totaled and I was car-less about a month.

May.

May was full of excitement!

I moved into my new apartment the first week of May after I could get around by myself once more. Finals were taking place and Taylor and I had lots and lots of free time. So, one day, the same week I almost broke my neck, we went to the lake and picnicked and canoed. Man! What a horrible time for a work out.

Ryan Todd Russ became a graduate of Southwestern Oklahoma State University. Yayyyy! I was such a proud girlfriend!

And my baby Mack graduated from Maysville High as an honor student! She is basically a legend now, no big deal.

Just a few days before I left on the most amazing trip of my life, I bought a car. Her name is Jetta, because she’s a Jetta. I like her; it’s not a “love” thing…yet.

The night before I left for Zambia, I told the man I’m going to marry that I loved him for the first time. It probably would’ve been a little longer, but I figured he should know just in case a rhinoceros got me while I was gone.

And off I went to the other side of the world with Lance, Staci, and Mack.

We had a few crash hours in London. It’s a beautiful city. We were surprised there with a ride on the London Eye and got to see Big Ben and Westminster Abbey, in real life! It was fabulous! (even if I was sleep-deprived.)

Zambia was incredible. For those of you who don’t know, we spent about 2 weeks helping at New Day Orphanage. To say the time was life-changing does not even do it justice. We got to be a part of the Lord’s work there for a short time and it was nothing short of awe-inspiring. The Lord is good and He is working! You can check out more about the orphanage and its ministry at their webpage!

June.

June was full of the little things in life that make it so fun. Ryan surprised me a few times and we had a lot of fun dates! Mack and I manned the house down in Maysville, while my sweet parents grew accustomed to a new life in Bowie, Texas.

July.

July was…..intense.

Mom and Mack’s last week at the Creek occurred during the 4th of July. I got to spend it with Ryan, as well, and we almost ran out of gas coming down the mountain. Pretty great memory. 

Mack-dawg had her last cow show. It was a real emotional ordeal for me. She has grown up doing that and she loves it. I’m still not sure how you can be good at showing a cow, but she is. She has whatever “it” is. I absolutely loved watching her throughout the years and I’m literally counting down the days until she comes out of retirement… 

Mack’s last show was in West Monroe, Louisiana, so we just called it a family vacation, as well. West Monroe is a fun place! Not to mention, Duck Commander is there. Though I had no idea who they were when I was there, knowing it now makes it THAT much better. #DuckDynasty

Ryan Todd went to Swaziland at the end of the month. I got to be on the “other side” like he was in May. I loved hearing his stories of how the Lord was working there, as well. It’s absolutely amazing to realize how big this world really is, and how much bigger our God is than that.

He returned super sick and I finally got a chance to repay him a little for all his kindness he showed to me in the first months of our relationship. Poor boy! It took forever for him to get back to normal, but he did! Thank the Lord!

August.

August brought in the “new” normal. I headed back to Weatherford to begin the second-half of my college education! It really is flying by.

I also had the awesome privilege to get a job on-campus in the Admissions and Recruitment office. I get to work with my very best friends and show off the best college, ever, every single day. Be jealous.

Mack became my roommate and started her freshman year here with me, too.

AND after an entire summer, I was reunited with my precious Sunday school children at Trinity. I thought they were growing exceptionally fast when I left. Goodness! I left them for a few months and came back to find they’re all grown-up!

September.

In September, Ryan’s grandparents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. We got to celebrate that with them and a number of family and friends. It’s extraordinary to know them and to celebrate such a beautiful marriage, especially in the time we live in now. At their party, though, I saw Grandma Sue’s wedding dress. I loved it. Her grandmother made it for her and it was just extremely lovely. After their party, Lauren Paige and I decided to see if I could fit in it. Lo and behold, it fit like a glove. What an enjoyable day! 

Also in September, Ryan surprised me with tickets to an OU game. So I did some of my own surprising and stole him away one Saturday for the Oklahoma State Fair. He’d been there, but not in a very long time. Me, I feel like I grew up there. It was the first year in a veryy long time that Mack wasn’t showing in it, either. It turned out to be a super hot Oklahoma day. However, we still managed to enjoy some delicious fair food, like a turkey leg and fried cheese on a stick. YUMMMM! Then off to the OU game we went! It was a really fun time and I got to sit next to a little girl that came with her dad for the first time. She hated all the noise, so I tried to keep her mind off of it. Plus, we played horribly that night and lost, so she was keeping me from having to watch the horror, also.

October.

Thank the LORD for October. October just happens to be one of my favorite months of the year. The weather is changing, football is in full swing, boots are being worn. It’s just beautiful here in Oklahoma.

Well, now October will forever hold one of the most amazing memories of my life…The Proposal!

You can see all the pictures and the story, and PLEASE enjoy the video!

November.

The first weekend in November, I said “YES to the dress!” (By the way, I can’t wait until it’s in…) Obviously I can’t show a picture of this one, but just know it’s amazing.

We got to spend our first Thanksgiving as a couple and enjoyed running all over the state to enjoy our families. The holiday season is always a joy!

December.

During December, I got to experience 12.12.12. Pretty big day since I won’t see the next 01.01.01. That’s sort of depressing, so, let’s move on…

Christmas time always seems to come faster and go by even more quickly every year. I love the time of celebrating our Savior’s birth with family and friends that you only get to see during that time. We had several great get-togethers over the break!

One HUGE thing happened on Christmas Eve that made this Christmas one I’ll never forget: my parents bought a house in Texas. It was such a bittersweet feeling, but I enjoyed having the last Christmas in the house I grew up in with the dear family I have been blessed with.

On Christmas day, the snow (by snow, I mean “ice”) came down and we had the first White Christmas in quite a long time. We had both sets of grandparents over, my aunt Paula and uncle Stewart, and my uncle Lee. It was quite literally one of the best Christmases I have ever had. I’m thankful to the Lord for giving us the pleasure of being together in that house one last time.

I also shot a gun for the first time in December. Yes, that is epic enough to make this novel. ;) After the third shot, I was a pro!

Then came New Year’s Eve! I gave Ryan tickets to the Thunder game that night for Christmas! It was my first game and we were super excited about it! We left Weatherford (late, I might add) and still made it to tip-off! I think he had a blast; I know I did, for sure! After the game, we had some breakfast food at IHOP, and then we walked around downtown until it was time to bring in the New Year!

10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…

January.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Yes, so I got to ring in my first New Year with the guy I will ring in many more with! It was SUCH a fun night! We got back home at two in the morning, and then I woke up early and went to have my black-eyed-peas for lunch at the Gillham residence!

On January 3, my cousins had a darling baby boy. His name is Bowen Mack Gillham! Brock and Katrina are his proud parents and I got to see him the night after he was born! He’s a cutie and growing like a weed! I’m still ecstatic for Brock and Katrina and tell Bowen every time I hold him that we’re going to be the best of friends, like his dad and I are!

Ryan and I also attended our first marriage conference in January, put on by Henderson Hills Baptist Church in Edmond. Paul Tripp came to speak and it was such a challenging weekend! I’m so glad we went prior to being married. It also was a wonderful opportunity to spend time with our precious church family a little more! We also began marriage counseling with my “other” dad and mom (Steve and Amanda) in Mayberry that same weekend! I’m so blessed to have them in my life and for the examples they are to me as individuals and as a couple for Ryan and me.

AND on the VERY last day of January, Ryan and I bought a house! Yes! It was another amazing example of how God is sovereign and He provides in His perfect timing. We started working on it the night we bought it and it has been another once in a lifetime experience that just happened to end up in the Golden Year! 

February

February is obviously my favorite month! Some days snow falls, some days feel like spring, but love is certainly in the air. Though I have a precious man in my life that makes every single day feel like Valentine’s Day, it’s still a fun holiday! AND occurs right before the end of this year, so it must be shared. Ryan and I exchanged gifts and enjoyed a lovely dinner at Downtown Diner to celebrate, too! It was our first “real” Valentine’s date, because the year before I was quite sick. This one was lovely! Every day with him is lovely.

The End.

And now we’re back, back to where this Golden Year began. Tonight (February 19), I’m finishing up this note and the last day of the Golden Year. I celebrated over a dinner date with some of my very favorite people and then enjoyed some homework and time with my twin.

As I look back over this year, I am brought to tears, joyous tears. Every year of life the Lord blesses me with is truly golden, I know that, but I enjoyed making this one “special” by giving it a name. I must thank the Lord ultimately, though, for salvation, for life, and for the blessings He pours out on His children. I have been singing one of my favorite hymns since I woke up this morning. I’m sure it’s been annoying to the people around me that have heard it all day, but I feel like this song completely wraps up the entire year…and every day after.

“Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father. There is no shadow of turning with Thee. Thou changes not, Thy compassions, they fail not; as Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest, sun moon, and stars in their courses above, join with all nature in manifold witness to Thy great faithfulness, mercy, and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth, Thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide; strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow; blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness! Morning by morning new mercies I see! All I have needed, Thy hand hath provided—great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!”