Foster Care.

For numerous reasons, I have grown up afraid of it, afraid of them. They were in it. 

They were kids at school, siblings in church, and the people who lived down the street from my best friend in elementary. They were always around, but sadly, I never found myself entering their world. It was unknown. And unknown is scary. Since I am one to cry when fish or turtles die, I am NOT one for unexpected goodbyes. They could just leave; they could disappear with absolutely no explanation.

There has been a day or two during work when I can hear my dad’s voice repeating what he said to me when I told him and mom I planned to major in early childhood education...

“Madison, you can’t take them all home with you.” 

A small part of my heart said, “Why not?” 

The other part of my heart said, “Dad, do not worry. I’m too scared to enter into THAT world. I always have been.”

Nearly two years in the classroom, I can say I have only experienced one moment where my heart broke into a million pieces over one of them. The fear of the unknown and the goodbye kept me from investing in, caring for, and loving on them before. Until an unexpected goodbye happened…a goodbye I did not even know about until it had already taken place. I had told them I would see them tomorrow, but I would not. I did not know my goodbye would be forever. Tears flowed for weeks on end. I cried for months at the mention of their name. I cried myself to sleep for a week straight because I could not figure out what I could do for them. Then, the Lord told me to be still. I finally made myself still and He gently whispered, “You introduced My kind of love. You did your part. Continue on.” What I feared the most was over. Though it deeply hurt, it was the first time I allowed myself to not ignore their situation as a whole, but enter right into their mess and distress.

“We can’t let the fear of loving a child that might leave us deter us; we must let the fear of a child never knowing our love drive us.” ~Jason Johnson

Adoption is not always the answer for them. No, it is usually always more difficult of a process than that. If it was a simple process, I can assure you my husband and I would already have a house full. Unfortunately, foster care is much more complicated. After several months or years, sometimes one party says reunify; another says terminate rights. What the system sees as a success can quickly become a failure that begins the entire process all over. These poor children are stuck in a limbo for a large portion of their lives. They move from home to home. They did not ask for it. They find themselves in the system because of others' poor choices. Situations are nasty. Stories are heartbreaking.

Children in the system, though, should not be what I had made them out to be. A little girl who calls me “My Nadi” is opening my eyes to all things foster care and has been for roughly four months now (I am by no means close to an expert). Ryan and I are not her foster parents. We are just two people that bounce in and out of her foster parents’ home because they happen to be my sweet family that live 8.2 miles up the road. If there is one thing I have learned by knowing this precious princess and her brother, it is that a person does not have to become a foster parent to be involved in foster care. You just have to care; you wholeheartedly care for the children in the system. (If you feel at all interested or led to foster care, though, please check into Oklahoma Fosters or the child protective services in your state).

Why enter into their mess and distress? Why not run for the hills out of fear? Why not remain indifferent? The main reason—Someone entered directly into our distress 2,000 years ago to offer hope. Except our messy situation was our own fault. We had been living in an open rebellion against God for thousands of years. Jesus came as the Redeemer. Jesus rescued us. The cost? Giving up His life on the cross as the ultimate sacrifice for all of humanity’s sin. Jesus came to heal what was broken—the relationship between man and Almighty God. He invests in, cares for, loves on, and enters into the world of all those who repent.

Foster care brings hope.

Foster care exists to mend relationships. 

Foster care helps rescue children from danger. 

Foster care begins the healing of what is broken. 

Foster care reflects Christ's love.
Foster care is a sacrifice. 

The sacrifice can be great or small.

The sacrifice can be giving up your comfortable life to foster.
The sacrifice can be saying goodbye unexpectedly.

The sacrifice can be offering babysitting or grocery shopping to foster parents. 

The sacrifice can be granting extra patience to the foster child in your classroom.

The sacrifice can be laying down all pride to ride a motorized cow around the entire mall with a 3 year old. 

Whatever the sacrifice, it is indeed worth it. Jesus thought we were worth entering into the world for. I know He thinks foster children are worth entering into their world, also. 

He showed me by introducing a princess named “Z.”

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after widows and orphans in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27. (emphasis added)

Relentless Pursuit.

Knock, knock, knock.

I looked around the room at all of the invited guests in my apartment playing a board game that evening.

“Who could that possibly be? It must be a neighbor,” I said as I got up to answer my door.

Opened door.

Shock. Anger. Frustration. Confusion.

Why does he keep doing this? Doesn’t he get it?

“What part of GET out and STAY out of my life do you not understand?” I yelled quite forcefully and slammed the door shut. I fought back hot tears and sat back down in the floor. All eyes were set on me.

“WHOSE TURN IS IT?!”

Two weeks later I was on his porch, holding an unwanted Christmas present to return. It was unwanted because of the sender. I wanted to keep my absolutely adorable houndstooth pair of rain boots. But I could not. He HAD to learn. Surely he would become tired of my persistent rejections.

Door opened. No words. Just shoved rain boots in his arms and left.

Letters, donuts, Sonic, and flowers that greeted me at the door for weeks on end would be tossed immediately in the trash can. (Except the donuts and Sonic. This college girl had to eat).

My dad called and asked, “Why are you being so hard on him, Madison?”

I thought for several minutes: Why am I doing this to him? His pursuit is unlike anything I had ever seen. 

“Dad, he’s ruining my plans, my future, my life as I know and love it.”

“I like him. He brings you donuts. You need to eat a little more. You’re looking rough.” 
(Gee, thanks, Dad!)

“If I say yes to something just one time, Dad, I’ll never be able to tell him no again.”

Roughly ten months after that conversation, I found myself staring at the most beautiful ring from the most amazing guy, who was wrapping up the relentless pursuit by asking me to change all my plans, my future, and my life for him. Instead of saying no for the 5,743^rd time, I smiled with tears running down my face and screamed, “YES!”

Now that you know that happened you might think a lot less of me. And you should think a whole lot more of Ryan. We have been married for nearly 3 years now and I still apologize at least once a week for my cruelty towards him during that time all because I was not yielding to the pursuit. Ryan could have given up and stopped at any point, but he chose not to.

Ryan's pursuit of me then (and now) reflects the Lord's pursuit of my heart and soul for my whole life. The Lord graciously, faithfully, and lovingly pursues me day in and day out, regardless of me.

I grew up in church with godly parents at home teaching me about Jesus. I remember exactly where I was when I realized I was a sinner, repented, and trusted in Christ for my salvation. God’s pursuit up to that point was glorious. All the blessings He gave me through my family, Sunday school teachers, and the drama he used on a specific Sunday evening to put it all together shows His sovereignty. God’s first pursuit stirred my heart to see the need of a Savior. 

But the gospel did not stop there in my life. It does not just stop at the time of repentance. The Holy Spirit came in that moment to dwell in a 6 year old’s soul for the rest of eternity. And the journey began.

Elementary. Junior high. High School. College. Work. Friends. Family. Change. Growth. Life. It happens. Life happens.

Ugly. Dark. Worldly. Temptations. Rebellion. Hypocrisy. Pride. Sin. It creeps in. 

But God.

Just like He orchestrated the moments perfectly for me to become apart of the Redeemed, He continues throughout the journey. He watches. He listens. He sees. He knows. He reaches in. He woos. He pursues. He loves. He does not stop. He does not give up. He never lets go. He never tires.

So often I get in the way. Just like I did with Ryan. 

No, no. That is not my plan. That is not what I had pictured. That is not what I had in mind. That is not the way it should go. 

Yet, God continues to pursue my heart. Sometimes He whispers. Sometimes He shouts. Sometimes He uses His Word. Sometimes He uses my shortcomings. Sometimes He uses children's books. Sometimes He uses sunrises. Sometimes He uses flowers. Sometimes He uses experiences. Sometimes He uses memories. Sometimes He uses people. He always uses something to captivate my attention with Himself.

God is relentless in His pursuit of my soul. He is relentless in showing His glory. He is relentless in reminding me who I am in Him, where I should be, and what I am to do. Even when I say no again and again, when I do not understand, when I do not want to listen, when I run in the opposite direction, when I am afraid to say yes, He does not leave me there. In spite of myself, He continues. Praise the Lord!

His graciousness is exceeding. His love is unconditional. His faithfulness is unfathomable. His pursuit is relentlessly beautiful. 

"There is none like you among the gods, O Lord, nor are there any works like yours. All the nations you have made shall come and worship before you, O Lord, and shall glorify your name. For you are great and do wondrous things; you alone are God. Teach me your way, O LORD, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name. I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify your name forever. For great is your steadfast love toward me; you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol. 

You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness."

(Psalm 86:8-13,15)